If you are part of -The Terror Experiment- you will have to watch out for -Gangsters Guns & Zombies- trying to celebrate -A Cadaver Christmas- as you listen to Zombie Master review Silent Night, Zombie Night.


{Scene One}


Hell is Full, and Zombie Master is here too turn on the lights and in episode forty of Horror Never Dies I will be reviewing Silent Night, Zombie Night from 2009.

But, taking just a moment to look at the scores for our undead matchup it stands at Strippers 1 Christmas 0, let’s see if that changes. Now, onto the movie.

We open up and see the first of our main characters Sarah sitting in her car crying, a friend of her’s comes up asking what’s wrong. She says nothing (of course…) and the woman tries to console her. Then… quite suddenly and out of NOWHERE a zombie tackles Sarah’s friend and starts chewing on her face which is pretty awesome. After that quick moment of zombie goodness we slide on over to two police officers talking… it would seem one hit the other the night before at a  party. Their conversation is interrupted when a man wheels up to them saying a neighbor girl bit him. They go to the house she is in and then she comes out tackling Nash and chewing on his boot… we see the other cop Frank pointing his gun at the girl and Nash keeps saying shoot HER for well… obvious reasons. Then we jump back to Sarah playing zombie T-Ball, yet it would seem she is having a hard time hitting a home run… as she hits the zombie in the head repeatedly and cannot seem to kill it. Once she finally does take it out we get our awesome credit sequence with one of the best theme songs I have heard in a very long time. During the credits we watch as a car salesman get bit twice before being able to take out the zombie that bit him… after which  another zombie comes up… smells him and then runs after the woman upstairs. The credits sequence ends with him suddenly being a zombie with yellow eyes.

We jump to the police car and Nash isn’t looking good… Once they get to Nash’s apartment, we see that Sarah is there. After everyone gets inside, we find that Frank shot off Nash’s toe when he was shooting the zombie. Nash is pale and they go about getting him drunk, very painfully cleaning his wound with vodka and then cauterizing his wound with a heated knife. Finished with that Frank goes down to the police car to see if he can get ahold of anyone… of course he cannot so he goes about shooting a zombie and then… our car salesman friend from the credits comes out as well as a slew of other zombies. Frank just barely gets inside and finally makes sure the place is secure. (Which I would think he might have considered doing BEFORE going back outside… then again… expecting common sense in a zombie film… is kind of like expecting an action movie without explosions.)


{Scene Two}


As we go on, we see Sarah and Frank have a heart to heart talk. Sitting there Frank finds their gifts from Nash and makes fun of his best friend for only having them as friends. (Frank is a douche) We see him go about opening them, and him and Sarah fight because we find out that he got drunk and well… that is when he hit Nash the night before. Once they finish going back and forth Frank accuses her of sleeping with Nash she neither admits nor denies the accusation. However, Frank takes it as an admission of guilt and looks like he is going to punch her in the face. With that little lover’s quarrel out of the way Frank just stands at the window and watches the zombies go by…

We jump ahead with a little montage of mayhem. Watching three different small groups of people get devoured because they are being endlessly stupid. Anyway… we get to see lots of carnage and death without having to care for the characters and without any of the important people dying. When the power goes out with Frank and Sarah, Frank is restless wanting to try to help people. Sarah tries to compliment him telling him that is what makes him such a good cop… HOWEVER… he acts like a jerk and then they have a moment of tension and let’s just say… go about making up a little.

After that it suddenly becomes morning, and Sarah let’s frank know that she did not sleep with Nash. Frank shows a soft side that makes you go awwww… (You’re still a douche…) and then we see him getting even more restless. Going down the front stairs he does one of the dumbest things I have ever seen someone do in a zombie movie (and that’s saying something). We unlocks the steel door and puts his hand out and waves to see if the zombies are around… yeeeeeeaaah… Hey guys! Tasty handwich riiiiiight here! With him still having his hand surprisingly in tact he takes a shotgun and goes outside.


{Scene Three}


With Frank outside we go upstairs and see Nash wake up… Nash promptly asks for Vicoden and for some unknown reason… this goes through my head. (Quote ~ What the F is wrong with you – “If I have to hurt so does everyone else.”) we see Frank come in joyfully and let them know what he has gotten to know about the zombies. He rifles through Nash’s drawers finding a hunting spray that masks scents. Frank has figured out the slow ones cannot see at night (at least it would seem), and only will come after you if you get to close and they smell you. I have to say, this is an interesting concept… we shortly thereafter see him go outside and we have a fun wonderfully witty scene with Frank and a baseball bat to the tune of take me out to the ballgame. We see him take out a ton of zombies with ease.

Then we go back upstairs and see Nash act like an idiot trying to go outside to get Frank back in… whether Frank is douche or not he really is figuring things out. For a bit we bounce between Frank on the street figuring things out and Nash and Sarah getting drunk on Jack at the apartment. Finally we see Frank go into a house and meet Jeffery in an attic and we will be meeting this actor in another important role in a few months… (You follow me?)

Going back to the little drinking party Nash goes about saying he wants to kill Frank, kisses Sarah, and then confesses his love to her. Yeeeaaahhh… I guess… uh…. life… is… good…


{Scene Four}


Moving forward… we see Frank test a theory leaving Jeffery’s house. Back at the apartment we see some of the fast zombies look up seemingly seeing Nash and Sarah as they look out the window. One comes up puts its hand in the bathroom window. Nash swiftly takes its hand off with a machete. The most interesting part about this is when Nash goes outside the zombie sounds like it’s crying. It is very obvious that this type of zombie at least in some way feels pain; Nash removes its head then walks around the neighborhood like a dipstick. An even more interesting sight is when Nash sees some of the other zombies seemingly reporting to the car salesman zombie and they all leave together.

Checking out things Nash goes into Jeffery’s house, buuuut we see Frank coming around a corner. They end up shooting each other thinking the other is a zombie. (Surprise… Surprise…) When Frank comes inside finding Nash… he has a very appropriate reaction as it looks like Nash is indeed dead. Going forward, Frank gets home and the power is back on, he cauterizes his wound and then tells Sarah what happened… understandably upset. As he did just shoot his best friend… when they wake in the morning there is a weird sound outside…

We quickly jump over to find that Nash isn’t dead, and that Jeffery was able to get him up into the attic. Him and Jeffery have a poignant conversation and we move back with Frank and Sarah seeing Sarah slowly going outside with Frank in the window covering her, we see a Hummer H2 come up and what seems to be an assault force come out making quick work of the zombies on the street.


{Scene Five}


Once they let the strike force inside, we learn first that they are friendly which in a movie like this is rare. More interesting is we learn about the zombies in this universe. There are two types, as was already figured out earlier… however they call them the roamers and the speeders. The ones with the gold eyes are the roamers where as the red eyed ones are the speeders and also have something inside of them that is wrapped around their brainstem. Which makes them all crazy like I guess, we also learn that they are in L.A., and the survivors have made camp at Burbank Bob Hope International Airport using the planes as housing. With all the open ground they say it makes it easy to keep everyone safe… you know… I have NEVER thought of an airport… yet, this has made me think about that… it is certainly an interesting and new concept that I have never considered before. Frank tells them where Jeffery is so that they can save him too, and then they get the alarm that more are coming back and it is time for them to leave.

Skipping ahead a little we see the team get to Jeffery’s and just as quickly become meat for the beast. Nash comes down from the attic trying to help, and the woman of the strike force runs off back towards the apartment. When Nash comes outside he sees that the H2 is abandoned. Back inside Jeffery comes out and tries to help but one of the zombies does its best to eat him. We also learn that Jeffery should never ever EVER EVER have had a gun as he cannot take out the zombie trying to chew on him at point blank range. We slide over and see the female from the strike force as Frank comes out and saves her. Once inside he makes her strip while he watches, but not in a perverted way. She was covered in blood and he does not know if she is infected and honestly, I agree with him. Frank handcuffs the woman to the bars on the window of the bathroom and lets her know if she is still human when he gets back he will let her go. I so agree it is not even funny, like it or not it is us versus them and we have to make sure you will not become one of them.


{Scene Six}


Going back one more time to Nash and Jeffery, we find Jeffery has been bit in the face. We finally get his story, and find that his family is gone in one of the absolutely best acted scenes of the movie. Then… Jeffery takes himself out of the equation after letting us know it is now Christmas and Nash goes a little more nuts going out and yelling at all the zombies. Frank saves Nash’s life when a zombie comes down the hill at him. Another interesting thing about these zombies is not all of them need headshots to be taken down, just some of them. They play chicken with a zombie as Nash considers killing Frank, once he takes out the zombie Frank gives it a moment then punches Nash right in the nose after which Frank offers his hand and helps Nash up. With that we are done with the testosterone fueled part of our evening and they get back to going back to the apartment.

Back at the apartment we see the car salesman zombie try to bite the hand to feed, the one that Frank cuffed to the window bars that is. Sarah opens the door trying to get its attention and Frank and Nash hear the screams as they are coming up and shoot the zombie. It runs to the backyard where they fire and fire… never going for a headshot and not killing it. Once the zombie is down but not out they find out that they are both out of bullets and decide to fight instead of running inside like smart people. Once Sarah gets down there she finds them both laughing, and after a few moments of her getting annoyed we find out that they both. got. bit. So she has to shoot Nash then after saying their goodbyes she shoots Frank. Finished with that Sarah goes upstairs, frees the woman, and asks her about where she lives and with that we are done with this little world.


{Final Thoughts}


Well… isn’t that a marry Christmas for all… I guess… anyway… My final thoughts. This was an unexpectedly great little zombie movie. It did not try to explain the infection but brought you into the world very well, the zombies where not in any way stereotypical. Having the two distinct kinds of zombies was great and brought an interesting element into things. The idea of using an airport even if we never saw it was original and intelligent. We learn a lot about the world in a short period of time, the acting was excellent and the story was simple but in a good way. They did not try to pull punches nor did they go with a lot of the tired clichés. It was just a good original zombie movie. So, our duel to the undead matchup is all tied up with Strippers 1 Christmas 1 with one week to go. I do have to say about this movie, I would love to see a sequel and see more of this world… However unlikely that maybe… So, marry whatever you celebrate to all…

Annnnnd… Fade to Red and Green!




Always know how much ammo you have, Never kiss your best friend’s wife, Know where your extra clip is, and Remember Horror NEVER Dies!

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