Zombie Master is here to rip into The Walking Dead Season One Episode Guts

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Show Script:


Now that the Dawn has come, and even the Dead Birds have flown back to earth because Hell is Full. We see that the Days of Darkness are upon us, and we must start writing a diary about The Walking Dead Season One Episode Two – Guts.

{Scene One}

Hell is Full and that Voice inside your mind is Zombie Master, and I am going to rip into the guts of this episode of The Walking Dead. I may love the show, but I also see its faults.

As we pan in, we see Dale on top of the RV being the look out. I have to agree with A LOT of people, why is the oldest person in the group the lookout? It’s the same in the comics… Buuuut, as… atleast as I’m recording this I’m talking to myself, so I will answer myself as well. Because it’s HIS RV! Probably his binoculars too…

The next shot is a nice view, of a red pail being carried by Amy… through the survivor camp, a kind of mini tour that really we could have done without. So… she brings it to Lori, who we get to hear tell Carl to stay for the first time but OH! Definitely not the last… just he actually listens this time.

Lori trots off into the woods, with NO gun NO weapon what so ever, because her little red pail will protect her! Shane sneaks up on her, and they make fun of Amy then go about *zip sound* Setting up the position of a number of tensions for the next two seasons.

Ooooooo! Look! Credits!

{Scene Two}

After an OH so brilliant romantic romp in a zombie filled forest, we pan back in to the exact same shot where we left Rick at the end of the last episode showing the clusterFORK of a situation that Rick got himself an one dead horse into. When we get inside the tank, Rick hits his head, I am guessing surprised that he can even hear the mysterious voice on the radio.

He asks the mysterious voice for advice, which in almost any other situation would not be all that bright… but I guess when you have had the bright idea of getting yourself in an unwinnable situation any advice is good advice.

So, Rick looks around the tank, finding a grenade, in a moment that should be accompanied by this sound *link find item sound* Showing more curiosity than is necessary he has to be reminded that his life is more important than pleasantries. So finally finding his seemingly unendless supply of either courage… or pants he gets out of the tank and gives a man a facial.

Once on the street he decides that shooting the walkers in his path to draw the attention of all the others is better than OH using the shovel that he had, just before he jumped from the tank which could not have landed to far from him when he… landed, so that he could QUIETLY take out the ones in his path. Seems he would rather be the city’s lunch special. Rick has to ONCE AGAIN be reminded that being quick on your feet is better than just standing watching the undead that are coming to EAT YOU when you’ve runs out of bullets.

Annnnnd we meet Glenn (or Hi, I risk my life for soap and shampoo.), who also says the SMARTEST thing said in the series up to this point. He calls Rick a dumbass. Shortly thereafter we meet the group that had been scavenging, before Rick pulled his John Wayne loses the battle impression, and Rick gets treated as he should be, like a complete moron.

{Scene Three}

Going into the lobby, we see a scene very reminiscent of Dawn of the Dead… ok let’s be honest COMPLETELY taken from Dawn of the Dead… annnnnd what goes through my head seeing all those walkers trying ta get in… *play “let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat”* Hearing gun shots we get to see people running, yay! more running! Sooooo we can meet the final member of their little scavenging party, Merle Dixon or Hey Y’all, call me Mr. Stereotype I am made just for you to hate me, I am a Racist, Narcissistic, Juvenile, Sexist, Arrogant, Redneck, and you can see almost all of this within the first thirty seconds he is on the screen. After which Merle kicks the HELL out of pretty much everyone, an declares himself leader. Rick finally decides to get involved and plays “Officer Friendly” or does what he is trained to do, giving Merle the butt of a rifle across the face which we all cheer for, then getting kinky with the handcuffs. At this point, Merle does what is almost impossible, he shows himself to actually be dumber than Rick.

Now that Rick has put other people’s lives in jeopardy because of a lack of sense for the situation, everyone starts considering options for getting out of the clusterFORK that Rick has gotten them into by looking for manholes to go underground, and how convenient there are EASY access Sewer Tunnels that are in the basement of the building… Even more convenient… Someone in the party just HAPPENED to work in the cities’ zoning office which no one knew till THAT very moment. Glenn suddenly goes all boss because he knows what he is doing, to bad this is COMPLETELY out of character for him.

We get a good scene with Glenn in the tunnel, and find out that Zombies eat rats in this universe an Rick shows Andrea how to use the gun that she was pointing at him just moments before. All we really know is that she is blond and does not know how to use a gun, but knowing Rick as we do so far, it probably makes him MORE comfortable that he was left with a partner to shoot walkers who does not even know how to use a gun. We know how well that went for him the last time he had to remind someone about the safety on a gun, at the same time Merle and T-Dog have some witty banter.

Rick and Andrea have some realistic conversation that REALLY says what Rick SHOULD remember throughout the next OH Two FIGGING Seasons. EXACT QUOTE “Don’t think those rules apply anymore, do you?” Let ME REPEAT WHAT HE said AGAIN!  “Don’t think those rules apply anymore, do you?” I… Heheheahaha I… Going on…

{Scene Four}

Weelll, now that they know that they cannot get out underground, in another act of OBVIOUS borrowing of scenarios from the Original Dawn of the Dead. They go over a plan to get trucks from a construction site down the street… All we can hope is that Glenn does not go crazy out of no where… However, it was a good plan then, and it is a good plan now…

In an act of let’s just make this perfectly clear, they go over all the different ways a walker can tell you are dinner… Let us SEE… Let us SEE… They Hear You, They See You, They Smell You, and well… they taste you. This gets me thinking of the season two premier… Stupid Brain! No skipping ahead! Stop it brain! Stop IT! Sooo… They start playing choppa walka so that they can wear its guts and smell like the dead. Buuuut first Rick has to get intimate with the walker… Getting in his pants… and getting out his wallet!

Glenn delightfully points out that our new dead friend was an organ donor, once Rick has found out everything he could from the man’s wallet; Rick turns it up and starts playing Molly Hatchet. In an act I can only describe as we made chunky soup, now let’s wear it! They start playing paint by zombie, annnd no outfit is complete without this year’s stylish intestine necklace. So, as Rick and Glenn go out covered in what was likely a former stock boy all that can be going through their heads is “No Guts, No Glory”. In this scientific experiment to see if the human population is still higher on the food chain than the undead they show a zombie sniffing at them (don’t you need to breath to sniff…) an this goes through my head*play Molly Hatchet Flirting with Disaster clip* Anyway, the sniffing walker ignores them.

 {Scene Five}

Now as they are walking down the zombie filled street, or as I prefer to call it a picture of voting day, exactly like what was foretold from the MOMENT they came up with the plan, the “not so” convenient thunder starts sounding.  Now, going back to survivor central we see Shane teaching Carl the importance of Tying the Knot. After the radio buzzes and only a few words are made out, for the first time we see that one wide eye, one kinda squinty eye thing that Shane [-,0] does whenever he has to make a decision that he feels is morally questionable or the moments when he is just going  plain nuts. Even when he is right, which is pretty dang often, he gets that I am high on crack look. During this time, Merle considers taking off his pointy white hat.

{Scene Six}

 As thunder looms on, we see a shot of Rick and Glenn walking towards us then away from us, and then Glenn starts talking, drawing attention. But, they keep on like that ominous thunder is nothing to worry about. *play clip I’m only happy when it rains* as it starts to rain Morales looks at the rain on his hand like he had never seen “THE STRANGE LIQUID STUFF BEFORE”. Do Glenn and Rick pick up their pace even a little? No. As per usual, the person who is with Rick looks at him for advice, and he acts strong, confident, and idiotic… It is washing your dead guy off and Rick does not see it as a problem. Shortly thereafter Rick Ax a Walker a question and the street comes alive with the groans of zombies wanting some Asian food and a side of pulled pork. Now that Rick and Glenn have made a lot of new friends we find out that the undead can also climb fences.

Getting in the truck they seemingly drive away, but instead Rick ACTULLY has a good plan for once. Glenn gets to play walker bait in a cool red car; I bet he wishes being the worm always looked so good. With Rick in his truck and Glenn in his car, the rest of the group scrambles to make it down stairs, as the rest of the group are running off Merle Dixon is begging them not to leave him, when T-dog makes a fumble that if he was in football NO ONE would believe he was not PAID to throw the game leaving Merle with no way to get out of the handcuffs. Not a pretty way to die, but also not exactly a man you are supposed to care about that he is dying that way. Since T-Dog is the last he is running to the truck yelling the same thing that Merle was moments before. After the party drives off to safety we get one more shot of Merle going nuts realizing how beyond crazy glued he is (as anyone would, handcuffed to a roof in the hot sun with the undead advancing to eat them). I think he has a pretty normal reaction. As we are panning away from the department store, the last thing we hear Merle screaming is that they’ll rot in hell, another normal reaction from anyone in his situation, I think. Then onto the box truck and everyone looking at T-Dog like “UMMMM… Where’s Merle?” his only response being he dropped the key, which no believes, but also no one cares since Merle was such a lousy human being.

Our final shot is Glenn getting to have the most fun he will ever have being bait (which is his main job in the group other than getting stuff), getting to floor the fast car going down the empty side of the highway… and of course. Still… no… walkers… on the highway…

 {Final Thoughts}

Well… this episode was better than the first one, but the story was HEAVILY borrowed from Dawn of the Dead both of them. None of the characters other than Glenn have yet to show themselves as likeable, Merle was too much of a stereotype, Lori showed herself to be someone who makes fun of people behind their backs, Shane shows logic, but no compassion, Rick shows compassion but no logic. The episode also makes rules that you KNOW from the moment that they maKE THEM that they will BREAK them. Walkers can hear you, smell you, or see you… the problem with that is then it makes hiding more difficult to write.

It is enjoyable if you turn off your brain or if you have never watched EITHER Dawn of the Dead movie. I would say it is at best amusing, just for seeing Merle left on the roof again.

Annnnd Fade to Black.


There is always something lurking out there, do not go out alone, be prepared, do not get bit, and remember, Horror Never Dies.

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