Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies – A Zombie Podcast | Episode Twenty Seven ~ Text Review / Script

by Zombie Master

{Intro}

 

If you enter into the -Office of the Dead- you will find that spoilers abound when Zombie Master Reviews two shorts from Suburban Holocaust Reel Splatter Volume 1 released in 2012

 

{Scene One}

 

Hell is Full, and Zombie Master is here to shrink time, and in this very special episode I shall be brief because your Zombie Master is going to busy digging up some old friends this week. However I want to give you my little Hellions your twenty-seventh dose of Horror Never Dies with something on the much more obscure side. Therefore, I shall be reviewing two short films from Suburban Holocaust Volume 1. It is an ultra low budget collection of short films from an independent film troupe based out of East Petersburg, Pennsylvania that can be found at ReelSplatter.com

{Scene Two}

 

Our first little treat is Skyler Phalages: Zombie Hunter.

Entering into this little confection, we see the Reel Splatter logo and the title card, and frankly I have to say it is much better than many of the ones I have seen from low budget films that probably have seventeen times the money of this little homebrew production.

Opening into our story we see a very old school mini-cassette recorder that someone probably found at the local goodwill. It plays us the prologue of the story over the backdrop of East Petersburg, PA and we learn that everything is gone for our hero Skyler, as he tells us his story the same kind of usual scenario everyone dead and all that. As well as that the lucky ones killed themselves and we see a guy who is supposed to have removed his brains forcibly by bullet. Yet… his rather new looking Iron Maiden t-shirt does not have a drop of blood on it. Rather clean for a gunshot wound to the head, then again… you do have to love a cleanly suicide! We get a few more zombie scenes including Jolly Ol’ St. Bite as I like to call this short’s Zombie Santa. Which is pretty awesome, I think.

After that we finally meet Skyler Phalages in person, suiting up for his zombie hunting escapades. He ends up looking more like blade than a zombie hunter which is pretty funny… Sunglasses, trench coat and all. When he goes outside he calls out the three undead near his back yard. Then pulls his gun… and aims all gangster fashion… *rant* which is about the worst WAY one can hold a gun for any accuracy except maybe if they held it upside down. I mean really, we are going to have to see him unrealistically killing zom… */Rant* Oh MY GOD… Holy Hemp! *laughs* YES! YES! YES! I have always wanted to see that happen to someone who was holding a gun like that! As he fires, the recoil pulls his hand back and he knocks himself cold with his own gun! Hehehehehe…

Waking up, he finds himself surrounded… and well I think you can figure out the rest.

One fun and pleasant addition to the end credits is that they have some wonderful and hilarious outtakes.

As for my thoughts, I LOVE this one, buuuuut I will get to my full final thoughts on both shorts after our next little nugget of zombie goodness.

(Shout Out – http://www.GothicInferno.com)

 

{Scene Three}

 

The second little zombie gem we get tonight is Demonstration of the Dead, we open up on a simple title card that says the name with the “of the dead” of course in the classic 1978 Dawn of the Dead font. No Surprise. We see that we are watching a news report of a demonstration of N.A.A.L.I. or The National Association for the Advancement of the Living Impaired. The thing I find the saddest about this whole thing is that in the politically correct times we live in I could seriously see when the dead finally rise there being such an organization at the beginning of the dead times. Anyway…

The protesters are doing what protesters do, chanting “let the dead walk”, carrying an array of picket signs that are all amusing but my favorite has to be “Jesus was a Zombie”. Now there is some truth in advertising. We find that they are planning on *exasperated* suing George Romero for deformation of character and being a hate monger for portraying the undead as mindless flesh eating ghouls… *end exasperated* I Yi Yi… I don’t know what is more sad, the fact that this is in my opinion somewhat scarily realistic of how some people would be, or that I could really see some station actually covering something like this.

Jumping a few scenes, because I am not going to give it all away, what you think would happen does happen. One of the naive protesters says they mean us no harm then promptly gets eaten. Trust your Zombie Master this WE mean you HARM! As carnage ensues, the news man says to keep rolling and probably wishes he had become the weatherman instead of a reporter. Closing out we get a “technical difficulties please stand by…” image and cut to credits and we get more of the fun outtakes like last time.

 

{Final Thoughts}

 

What are Zombie Master’s final thoughts you ask? Well, these two shorts are both amazing. Their production value was immensely better than more than one of the low budget films I have reviewed here. The story lines where better than a great deal of zombie fare that I have seen generally. Even though these were not just done on a shoe string budget, I would guess they were likely done on a threadbare shoestring budget. The gore effects out class many other low budget productions that in all likelihood had a lot larger budgets and also there was not any pretension in sight.

Another thing I loved about both of these short films is that there is a certain realistic quality of the stupidity of the human condition and how people would react when the dead times come about.

I would surmise this film troupe is just looking to give us some good old zombie fun with these two shorts and they deliver. These shorts are awesome, and so is the DVD as a whole. You should go to www.ReelSplatter.com (Spelled R-E-E-L) and pick this one up if you are looking for some fun horror and bloody good times.

Just to add, as it says on the DVD case, Suburban Holocaust is Entertainment for the morally bankrupt so I guess if you watch this one, you should be glad that Hell is Full!

Annnnnnnnnd Fade to Black!

 

{Outro}

 

Always wear tight clothing (that cannot be held onto), Never think the zombies are your friends (even if they once where), Know how to hold your gun, and Remember Horror Never Dies!

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