Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies – A Zombie Podcast | Episode Thirty One ~ Text Review / Script

by Zombie Master

{Intro}

 

When you meet the -Bio-Dead- you will find them to be tainted meat as you look into the face of -evil- seeing they are only -Dead and Deader- while Zombie Master reviews Resident Evil from 2002

 

{Scene One}

 

Hell is Full, and Zombie Master is here with a confession. You see, I was going to give you all my number two favorite zombie movie. However… I cannot find my copy of it at this moment, must have gotten eaten by something or someone… heh… So, rather than make you all wait for a new copy to get to my grave, I will be reviewing Resident Evil.

We start out on the ever famous Umbrella logo and we get a breakdown about the Umbrella Corporation. Talking of how their products are in almost every home, and how they make the bulk of their money in military tech and viral weaponry. I think if we are watching this movie we can already guess the viral weaponry part of things. After finishing up with that, we pan in on a person in a lab suit putting vials into a case. If you have ever played any of the games you will recognize what these vials and the “ut oh” of the whole situation when an unknown hand throws one of the vials and we watch it break and dun… dun… duuuuunn… we “see” a gas going into the ventilation system. We hop over to people getting in an elevator and we see that the gas is coming out of the ventilation system. We go to dogs… euuuuuhhh… I hated those figging dogs in the game. Anyway, they smell the gas and go crazy, a camera zeros in on the broken vial and we see it say “biohazard warning”. How quaint since the name of Resident Evil in Japan is Biohazard.

Skipping ahead a bit, the elevator has stopped trapping everyone inside. We go over to a sealed lab and sprinklers shoot on and a guy tries to take an ax to the glass… However, all it does is knock out a tooth filling size hole. Seems like they are in for a bumpy little ride. Going back to the elevator, they get the doors just barely squeezed open and one woman kinda gets partially out. Yet, when one of the monitors notices that her head is sticking out the elevator the computer gives her a new hairdo.

Our first death of the evening is sadly quick and bloodless.

 

{Scene Two}

 

We go upstairs and meet Alice our heroine for the evening, nude wrapped up in a shower curtain. After she gets up and puts on a robe she walks through a very familiar mansion to anyone who played the game. Once she steps out, we see the crows fly off. Coming back in a commando team breaks in out of nowhere and we see that someone else was in the house with Alice. When realizing that the house’s defenses have been activated, they find that that includes temporary memory loss.

Going downstairs they come to a train station that is ripped from the Resident Evil 2 game, which is nice. That is of course if I am remembering my timeline correctly it has been a lot of years since this rotting brain played any of the older games. After the leader sets his watch to a timer, they get the train moving and on its way. Now on their way Rain opens a door and a man falls out. Alice has another flashback or memory or whatever the heck they are making them out to be and we see them getting married. She takes off her ring and looks at, it say property of Umbrella Corporation. Now… I understand what they’re getting at, yet this bothers me to this day. Some mega-giant-evil-corporation, I believe would be smarter than to leave some sort of trail like that. When creating a front you do not leave your calling card on the wedding rings! That would after all just be plain stupidity and leave you without plausible deniability. Anyway…

Now that we’ve met Spence. Hail! Hail! The gang’s all here.

(Shout Out – http://necropology.com/)

 

{Scene Three}

 

Once they get to the station, Alice wants to know what’s going on. Me personally, I think I would have been asking that before they got there even with memory loss. I mean, going into a underground facility with a commando team who came out of nowhere while suffering memory loss seems like a time for questions to me… then again, I guess some people aren’t as curious as I. Moving forward. We get the explanation, which can be put as hive, big underground deathtrap where lots of people worked and died, and uh reanimated. Do not walk in! *semi-long pause* They walk in.

Being inside they look at taking the elevator… In this situation, methinks I would take the stairs. Finding there is no elevator they do take the long way. Going down the stairs we get more explanation, talking of the Red Queen, which is the computer that killed everyone or our bad guy for most of a zombie movie. We see them get to the labs, and as they walk past we see shoots of water coming from the lab the guy with the ax had been in. We learn more about the Queen, that she killed everyone in the labs and they are there to find out why. My thought would be thanks for telling me AFTER you brought me down here…

As they walk off, we see lab girl zombie’s eyes pop open, only say twenty-five minutes into the movie we finally have our first zombie. Since they cannot go through the labs they have to take an alternate root, and they are already behind schedule. We see them go through what is supposed to be dining room hall B. Which looks more like the cold storage room at the bottom ring of Hell.

 

{Scene Four}

 

Finally at the Red Queen’s room, we see more two-thousand threesqe CGI and we are told the Red Queen’s defenses are in place. Of course though, when the leader walks into the room leading to the Red Queen’s chamber all the lights come on… He’s told it is just automated nothing to worry about. Yeah, sure… not like we are not dealing with a computer that just killed hundreds of people. What does their oh so smart leader do? Check himself? No… Have one of his men check it out? No… He calls most of his team into an obvious death chamber. First the woman gets it, and two, two decapitations! ah ah ah ah…  Then we get jumper who gets cut right in half, then Master chief tries to be all wily but the Red Queen gives him a really cool laser net. In one of the best deaths and effects you never really see. With him falling to pieces after losing his team, yet you only see it for a moment in a reflection on the door. Which I have to say is a brilliant way of going about it in my opinion.

Tech guy and Alice go in to deal with the Red Queen, when the tech puts in the thing to fry her circuits we see her being projected… by. cheap. club. lighting?! Anyway… Alice and The Red Queen have a conversation, and the Queen lets them know that this will unlock all of the locks, right before they hit the button she also makes it clear that they are all going to die down there. They take her board and get moving.

(Shout Out – http://soapyshopofhorrors.com/)

 

{Scene Five}

 

Shuffling on over to Rain and the rest we see our first real bit of zombie action. With Rain thinking she found a survivor and getting a chunk taken out of her hand in the process. Once away from her other guy shoots the zombie, Rain pulls out the high powered rifle and puts it down. The guy is understandably confused as to how he could have shot her so many times and she kept coming.

Alice and tech guy show up, and give everyone the news that… well… everyone else is dead. Then we hear something and it is the ax scientist from earlier, now an ax zombie it also looks like he broke his foot somehow too… probably kicking the glass. Now, just about an hour into the movie we get some serious zombie action.

As the spit hits the can, the entirety of the hives zombie work force comes pouring in what’s left of the team shooting wildly. Bullets going through the deep freezers from Hell in the process. As tech guy finally gets the code to get them out of that room Alice saves the handcuffed guy and other guy we never really knew gets pulled into the horde and they go about eating him, and bite into Rain repeatedly.

We also get to see a licker escape from one of the pods… which I still remember how giddy I was the first time I saw that.

Lurching forward, we see Rain and tech guy end up back in the kill room where most of the team got slaughtered. What kind of bothers me here though is that it is all nice and clean like before… now ok the one guy who got cut in half his top half could have crawled away… but the headless woman and Mr. slice and dice would still be in quite the coagulated conundrum. Skipping a little ahead, we see Alice meet the dogs. Even now that clicking still makes me shiver… After putting them and their handler down, she meets back up with the cuffed guy and we finally get his story. Then they get back to the Red Queen’s chamber with Rain and tech.

At which time we learn that the blast doors will be sealing shut and if they do not get out of there they will be stuck. Maybe this would be a reason to ask questions before being dragged into the big underground facility. Alice goes about turning the Red Queen back on with a failsafe installed. The Red Queen points out that she tried to warn them. She goes over what a zombie is for this world that I can only guess never had zombie movies. I notice that is most worlds where zombie infestations happens.

 

{Scene Six}

 

Going on, they finally start moving forward again in the tunnels under the hive. The entire zombie army it would seem comes shuffling towards them. Theeen we get some fighting, tech guy gets bit, they go up some pipes but the pipe breaks just as tech guy is about to get across and he gets bitten repeatedly then makes it up the other side and considers opting out. However, instead he shoots the undead guy coming at him and tells them that they will have to work for their food. Which is funny enough one of the best lines of this movie.

Skipping ahead a little, Alice has another one of her memory flashes and realizes that there is an antidote. However, Spence her fake husband has a flashback of his own. Both remembering spying on her then also being the one from the beginning who tossed the vial in the first place causing the whole zombie outbreak and thinks that he was in the right… Then again, who is going to do something if they do not in some sense think it is the right thing to do. Anyway… it does not last long as the Red Queen pops back up and a licker eats Spence and we all cheer. The Red Queen tries to insist on Alice killing Rain because they cannot be sure that the anti-dote will work. However, in an act of OH SO convenient timing, tech guy shows back up saying he had to fry the Red Queen because she wouldn’t open the door.

They get on back to the train pretty quickly after this. We find Spence pretty much dead already, Alice finds the case with the t-virus and the antidote and drops the ring as Spence bubbles and gasps. Tech guys gets the train moving and they get on their way, a licker follows after them ripping and tearing into the train and ut oh it would look like the cuffed guy from earlier got scratched. They finally get to the blast doors, and just the two of them make it out alive.

Once back in the mansion, it all gets very white and they both get taken by a bunch of guys in lab coats. Cuffed guy who’s name is Matt but really it did not matter much till this point, much like most of the characters in this movie. Weeeell, Matt gets put on a gurney and the doctor says they want him for the Nemesis project (Resident Evil 2 reference), and then it all fades to white. Then we get Alice waking up and reenacting one of the famous scenes from the second game, and then credits hit.

 

{Final Thought}

 

Final Thoughts… Well, even if this isn’t my number two favorite movie it is one of the ones I love. Now, as a fan of the games I originally was upset with them going with an original story instead of following the game story lines more. However, as time has progressed and I have thought about it a lot more. Especially with the first game. Yes, there is a lot of story but a great deal of just running about doing puzzles. Which this kind of is at points, but not as much as it would have been if it has been more firmly based in the game cannon. I do think not having a single zombie for almost half an hour and no real zombie attacks till almost the hour mark of an hour and forty minute zombie movie was more than a little irritating.

It is a good story, but also killing pretty much half the party in a less than two minute scene seemed like a complete waste of characters even if the scene was great. I think that if they had JUST had the leader in the kill chamber it would have made for an even better scene and would have made A LOT more sense. No leader of a unit like that would have had so many of his men come in before he was sure the area was secure. It was like they used most of the budget on the effects and could not afford most of the actors for long.

Also there wasn’t a lot of reason to use names in this, because almost none of the characters do you have any connection with or feel that you even know their names for most of the movie. It still was a good movie.

annnnnnd Fade to Black

 

{Outro}

 

Know your enemy’s defenses before you put your plan into motion, Always ask questions before going into underground bunkers, Never go in without a weapon, and Remember Horror Never Dies.

Find more Episodes of Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies on iTunes and leave a review or Find more episodes at HellisFull.net

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