Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies – A Zombie Podcast | Episode Forty-One ~ Text Review / Script ~ Movie Review

by Zombie Master

{Intro}

 

If you are with the -DeadHeads- you might find that you are in -The Devil’s Playground- when you show your -Zombie Allegiance- by listening to Zombie Master review Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Strippers Vs. Zombies from 2008

 

{Scene One}

 

Hell is Full, and Zombie Master is here to get down to the bare necessities while reviewing Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Strippers Vs. Zombies which is our final installment (for now) in our duel to the undead matchup. With us all tied up Christmas 1 Strippers 1 this will be the December Decider.

We open up with it telling us that we are at… ouch… the Romero Ice Skating Rink… yeeeaaahh… We see a figure skater and her coach come out and happen upon a group of glowing zombies shambling towards them and her coach tries to fight them off. She tries to get back in but when he gets over powered she finds… a machete in his bag and is as confused as I am. She goes about dropping it and using her figure skates too take out some zombies which is pretty awesome, that is until till they get stuck in the eye sockets of a zombie. After which she picks the machete back up, we hear a scream, and then suddenly realize we have been faked out.

Being in the real movie now (we can only hope) we see a little girl… Maybe six years old wearing 3-D glasses at which I have a pause for a moment… because they are the original theatrical 3-D glasses from A Nightmare on Elm Street Six… Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare. I only know this because I still have mine… from 1991… her wearing a pair in 2008 seems really out of place to me. Anyway… We see her uncle come in and see if she’s ok. We see him put her to bed, and then we move onto the credits. Once we finish up with our animated little credit sequence, we come in on a science lab seeing Dr. Stewart putting something into one of his rats. After which we meet Lucas… Lucas is an idiot. Dr. Stewart we find out has made some sort of something to try and help Lucas with his crack addiction. Yet, when he is out of the room, one of Stewart’s rats suddenly eating another rat… annnnd we move on from this moment of cluster bombing what the figgery…

Going forward we end up at our strip club for the evening, the Grind House. A interesting thing of note is that shortly after they finished shooting this movie the strip club they filmed in was torn down… We go in meeting our cast of characters, we meet Pandora (who seems to change her stage name a lot), Dallas Sky who is their main attraction, and Harley Wood who is the new girl and we also learn when she calls her brother Chris she is the mother of the little girl we met at the beginning of the movie. When Harley is called up on stage we get one of the most painful pole dances ever put to film. Yet… I will give there is an awkward humor that makes me laugh… even if only a little.

 

{Scene Two}

 

Moving forward we see Lucas has to pay for it and the whore steals some of his zombie super crack. After she shares it with a friend we go back to the Grind House and see it’s closing time. Jumping ahead a little and going outside we see the two girls of the night walk up to a car… However… the one who smoked the zombie rock first gets sick so the other one gets in the car. We go back to the dressing room, and see DJ Spin come in with Clive the owner and they are both respectful of the girls.

Once Spin gets his tip out they all leave and Clive walks them over to the diner and while going over there Dakota acts like a total… I’ll just say female dog… We learn Harley’s real name is Grace. Hehe… Once they get to the diner it is a catfight of Strippers Vs. Hookers… HHHmmm… there would be an interesting movie. Anyway… in walks the pimp in his pimptastic nature we meet Johnny “Back Hand” Vegas. Well, we see him act just how you would expect you can watch pretty much any other movie with a pimp and you will get an idea, yet his character is still fun.

His girls call him Daddy and we find that our friendly neighborhood druggy Lucas owes him a bit of money. Vegas acts as you would expect threatening him and all that, we go on seeing Grace’s brother outside the Grind House looking for her and meeting Spin. Shortly thereafter he goes over to the diner, and we see him and pretty much everyone who has an ounce of dignity get into it with Vegas. While they are arguing we see the girl who smoked the crack with Lucas fall to the ground puking then her eyes turn a beautiful shade of zombie yellow. When she gets up the real action starts with her tearing open the neck of one girl then ripping the arm off another. Everyone has an appropriate reaction, ending up at the door of the Grind House and Spin gets bit. Once they get in we have a rare and wonderful thing, in this universe the people are aware what a zombie IS. They go about freaking out until Grace’s brother calms everyone down and takes control of the situation.

Back outside, we see the original zombie prostitute get called into a car, and it is implied she performs fellatio and let’s just say uses a lot of teeth… kind of sad I can say this is not the first time I have seen a scene where someone’s pecker has been bitten off by a zombie and in all likelihood it will not be the last either.

 

{Scene Three}

 

Going back to the diner seeing that they left a zombie in the bathroom and watch it splatter Lucas’s blood all over some pancakes… they really should have used better blood. The fact that it looked like strawberry syrup I guess was supposed to be funny… yet it just came off as a bad effect. Then we see the guy who was hit below the belt is now of course a zombie, rips into two girls outside of the club that we never knew. So done with that we mosey on back inside to find out that Vega’s girl is pregnant with his child. We then find out no one has called for help… because the one girl they thought was doing that, was actually calling her mom for help… who lives… on the other side… of the country. Which I could see a few people I know doing. Anyway…

We see Dakota being horrible to the guy she called for a ride, and then finally call the cops. Clive calls them back to the office and we see a patron come up after the club is closed, they all run to the door to try and warn him yet he becomes zombie chow like all the rest. We jump back inside, and why is it the pimp has to be the smart one for once. Vegas says they need to get Spin out of there because he has been bit… YET… Dallas just tells him that he has watched too many movies and they are not sending anyone away. Now, if it where me I would AT THE VERY LEAST say that he needed to be quarantined or something… I mean… You KNOW they are zombies… You have seen them kill someone and they got up afterward. You are NOT going to have them near me, you are not going to have them near anyone I care about. Yeah… Maybe your Zombie Master has watched too many zombie movies, however I would also go by the information that I know. Plain and simple. Zombie bites you… you become zombie.

 

{Scene Four}

 

Moving forward… Ruggie the police officer gets there, and acts like an action hero having to park way too far away in order to look more cool. He does make it inside, but dies very shortly thereafter because they were not willing to be smart about things and get rid of the guy who was bitten. Now… having to shoot them both out the door.

After that, they start playing watch the customers get eaten… a game I am sure anyone in ANY type of service industry would like to play. We get someone turning on the music… uuummm… great way to attract even more zombies. Grace goes about finding out if her kid Jenna is ok, and she is. Yeah… I am betting named after the porn star in one of the other zombie stripper movies I have reviewed. Then we see Vegas put two and two together, I am surprised he can count. When he reads the label on Lucas’s drug bottle (crack bottles now have labels) and calls it space crack which I love. Figuring out that it all had to have started at the lab.

 

{Scene Five}

 

Skipping ahead a little we see Dallas and Chris leave and their only problem getting out being one of the zombies standing in front of the truck. They easily run over it and get to the lab, buuuuut we see it pop up from under the truck when they go inside. Once inside they meet up with Dr. Stewart and explain to him what happened, he understands having made a somewhat cure and hands it to Chris needle first. Not a good sign, then starts to go make more… but, before he can of course the zombie that hitched a ride comes up and tears Dr. Stewart’s throat out. Then of course it knocks Chris back during the struggle and the cure gets injected into his stomach… not a surprise. Dallas goes about shooting the zombie repeatedly. She is a horrible shot and then she throws a can of flammable liquid it flies in slow motion for her to shoot it in classic movie fashion. Yet, in a brilliant moment she is out of bullets and it just bounces off the zombies head. They kill the zombie and Dr. Stewart and we are off back to the Grind House.

We get back to the Grind House before they do and we see Pandora smile at Vegas and offer him a Twinkie… *sigh* (I miss Twinkies. Rest in Peace little yellow friends.) After which Pandora goes outside to save a cat, but ends up locking herself out in the time it takes between her calling Grace to let her in and Grace getting there she gets her head bitten. So, when they get out there Vegas blows a hole through her then everyone acts like it was really nothing. (Desensitized much). We get a zombie attack in the lap dance room, and Chris and Dallas get back. Which is a fun scene with him using a weed whacker, her a chainsaw and them just barely getting in. The zombies bust through a wall like kool-aid man and Vega’s pregnant girl gets bitten. He goes about backhanding the zombies until it would seem he is overpowered. Once everyone gets back in the main room, the original zombie prostitute gets in, bites Chris, then explodes in some rather bad CGI.

So with that they decide it is Chris’s blood that is now the cure, and instead of doing something smart like ooooohhhh… cutting his arm with a knife and stabbing the zombies with it. What do they decide to do  in their utter genius? To have the zombies come in two at a time and take bites out of Chris. It works for a moment, until one of them decides they would rather enjoy some Clive instead. A few knives would have worked so much better… anyway. They get surrounded on the stage, Dallas rips out the stripper pole and we get a fun scene which of course we could see coming with Chris playing the valiant hero and falling back into the crowd of zombies. We get them all exploding covering the girls in blood, and then the girls leave acting like it was just a normal day at work. All I can guess is that they are all in shock… and the credits roll. Yet, during the credits we see Vegas somehow made it and is still up to his old tricks and the movie ends.

 

{Final Thoughts}

 

Final thoughts? I cannot say this is my favorite Zombies Vs. Strippers movie… however it comes a very close second. It has all the fun over the topness that one would expect from something of this sort. Without being to cheesy and stupid about it… It has just enough plot to hold it together without being weighed down. It is a ZomCom after all and it does have a lot of fun zombie killing scenes. Pretty much there’s almost nothing I have not seen before at some point, but also it is all done in fun and creative ways that where enjoyable. The effects were fun, and just all around this was a movie I say find it, watch it, and enjoy it.

Sooo… it would seem that in our zombie duel to the Undead Match up with Strippers Vs. Christmas it comes to Strippers 2 Christmas 1 so the Strippers win… at least for now…

annnnnnnd… Fade to Black!

 

{Outro}

 

Always be careful where you get your drugs, Never get locked out during a zombie attack, Know how to use a knife, and Remember Horror Never DIES!

Find more episodes of Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies on iTunes and leave a review, or get more at HellisFull.net

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