Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies – A Zombie Podcast | Episode Twenty Eight ~ Text Review / Script

by Zombie Master

{Intro}

 

-One dark night-, you will be met by the -Helldriver- when you are about to -Exit Humanity- while listening to Zombie Master review Last of the Living.

 

{Scene One}

 

Hell is Full, and today Zombie Master will light up your life by reviewing Last of the Living from 2009. Opening up we get a scene that is so reminiscent of the opening of 28 days later that it makes me leery of watching this movie at ALL. Getting our dose of Credits for this movie we follow our unnamed companion through empty city streets, interspersed with news reports of the end times and well more Credits. Finally done following our lonely wonderer who we never see again, we cut to black and back in on a man waking up with a makeshift beer hat who was obviously passed out in a yard. Over the last few reviews we have seen that sometimes getting drunk in the zombie apocalypse is not such a bad thing. However, passing out outside… yeeeeah… methinks that still is PRETTY FIGGING DANGEROUS!

Moving forward we have more Credits as we follow him inside, we meet his two friends Johnny and Ashley. We learn that the man we are following is named Morgan, and that he is not all that bright. Watching him leave a message on a girl’s answering machine as if the world had not ended, as the other two talk about her being dead… I… anyway.

They decide to make a run to the supermarket and Johnny wants Ashley to dog ear his book, and if there is a pet peeve of mine it’s that. In the Apocalypse I would be even more of a stickler for it. You have to think, it would be likely that books as well as knowing how to read would become much rarer as time went on in that environment not that it matters at the moment.

Moving forward they suit up to go out, and the only one who puts on any protection what so ever is Ashley, and he gets made fun of for it. Yeah… let’s make fun of the only guy smart enough to wear some protection.  Hmmm… that didn’t sound right…

(Shout Out – http://www.torresvszombies.com/)

 

{Scene Two}

 

Jumping ahead some, we find them having gotten to the grocery store. This has to be the cleanest one I have EVER seen in ANY zombie movie. We see each of them showing off their quirks as they go shopping… yet… the fact that everything is SO pristine and in order that it seriously looks like the shelves where just stocked and the floors WAXED is extremely distracting to me in this scene. It is like the end of the world came and no one bothered to loot for food oooor anything else of importance that you JUST might find in a grocery store. From what we have already seen, we know it was not an overnight thing, but still everything is  intact. It also bothers me that the power and phones are still working perfectly… Despite all that SURPRISINGLY this is still a very fun scene.

Finished with the getting supplies they go about stopping by the music and DVD shop. Ashley balks at this, yet I think it’s not a bad decision. One of the biggest things that I think a few lone survivors would be fighting would be cabin fever and boredom. So, getting any entertainment possible would be important for the sanity of all members of the group. While they explore the store they find Johnny’s girlfriend in the storage closet… as a zombie. They go about taking her out, and let’s just say Johnny is not broken up at all then we cut to black again.

From there we very awkwardly cut to the great bikini workout. Some gay jokes ensue about Ashley that really in my opinion fall flat, and we get a bit more of the workout DVD. Then cut to black again…

 

{Scene Three}

 

Hopping over to a scene of a kid who looks a little bit like Harry Potter, we see his dad take out a zombie with a shotgun blast when he really doesn’t need to. Just as quickly we are quickly back with our three friends. Ashley finds a DVD labeled Johnny’s fight, after which we see Johnny get annoyed when they see him trying to act like a helicopter and get laid out flat. Soon, they are bored and decide to get on the road, and I must say I LOVE this car.

Skipping a few scenes, they end up in a church and meet Stef and her father, as well as one of the examples of how it seems like every zombie is this movie had a different make-up artist. The zombie clown priest pig looking thing. They go about the usual. Meet new people. Hit on first woman they have seen in months. Zombie pig clown priest growls and bites her father. They save her life and they end up blowing up the church along the way and get yelled at by her for saving her and destroying a so called cure.

Once Johnny realizes that she is driving his car, he pulls the handbrake and takes the keys. She on the other hand wants them to go to the hospital so she can cook up another sample of the *sarcasm* cure *end sarcasm* Morgan and Ashley agree to go along with her plan to go to the zombie infested hospital, cook up a cure, then fly off to an island… Johnny aptly says two things. One. “I would like some of what she is having” and Two. “and you all say I’m crazy” the saddest thing about this scene is that we all know what part of them is saying yes… and it certainly is NOT their brain. I mean come on… if there is one place that you should not go after the world falls to the undead is a hospital over ANYWHERE else. The highest density of the infected WILL be there for FIGS sake. ANYway… Johnny does agree to go along for the reason that there will be a lot of undead to kill. I personally, would have told them all to get out of my car and walk if they have that much of a DEATH WISH!

 

{Scene Four}

 

Driving forward towards the hospital, I have to admit that this scene is pretty awesome. Showing them mowing down zombies along the road, though the make-up does not really match the zombies from earlier. When they get to the hospital of course a flood of biters comes at them and somehow they get inside without even a scratch. I do have to note about this and a few other scenes that the blood flies off a zombie and hits the camera. In any other movie it would come off as one of the cheesiest things I had ever seen. However, somehow it really works with this movie, it is not overdone and somehow it is done right and I cannot even think of how to explain how that could be done right… it. just. is. The one nagging thing for me is that the locks are power, all the power everywhere is still on. I will admit, I know nothing of the New Zealand’s power grid… if this is an example of it, it must be the strongest one’s anywhere. It may even be the one grid to rule them all. Who knows…

Going forward they get up to the lab and easily get a sample. Yet, of course they are going to be waiting FOR MANY HOURS, yet as what was inevitable… the power goes out when only a few minutes more are needed to cook up the so called cure and also the doors unlock letting the zombies in. Morgan and Ashley volunteer (like idiots who’s pants have become too tight because a woman is around) to go to the basement and get the generator running. They get there barely and get it going… yet so very unsurprisingly they’re are trapped and start physically fighting over the girl who has pretty much no interest in either of them. They finally notice a way out and we go back upstairs to Stef and Johnny. After some super quick zombie fighting action and more talking, we go back downstairs to the two bozos going through what looks to be a sewer pipe to get out. After a bit more very not witty banter between the two we get back outside and everyone meets up. Sadly… Johnny’s gotten bitten… Which annoys me because he WAS my favorite character.

I will give he finally get to use his silly helicopter move on the only people it would EVER work on… ZOMBIES and we say goodbye to him with it fading to black and us hearing him scream.

 

{Scene Five}

 

Pushing ahead, they’re driving, and driving, and well… driving some more… They finally stop for some gas and while Ashley sleeps Morgan fills up the car while Stef goes about getting oil… Problem. The somewhat Harry Potter look a-like from the earlier throw away scene jumps out of the freezer at her. After caving in his skull we see his dad from earlier show up behind her and it fades to black as we hear her scream. Now… I have to ask… Why did we need to have a scene earlier that was not even a back story for those two zombies. It was not just a useless scene it gave away the fact that there was going to obviously be a second zombie showing up behind her! What a waste of time, and a scene that could have been better if it had not been ruined earlier. It REALLY makes me wonder if there was supposed to be more scenes with those two that got cut for time.

Whatever…

When we come back Ashley finally wakes up to the sounds of Stef’s pain and wants her out of the car like any man with even a third of a brain still in his head and not in his pants would want. However, Morgan and Stef talk him into still going on with the plan and NOW having the infected woman still FLY the PLANE. I think these people are just suicidal at this point! During this scene we see a zombie shuffling up to the car and they drive off before it gets to them… yet… they have to go for the “Braaaaiiiins” line when NO OTHER ZOMBIE TALKS IN THIS MOVIE! The inconsistency of the zombies is a little aggravating.

(Shout Out – http://www.wicked-woods.com/)

 

{Scene Six}

 

As we move on, they pass a van with three zombies eating the driver… After the car passes… *half deadpan* they run. *full dead pan* When no other zombies have ran… *end dead pan* Once they get to the airfield Stef and Ashley get the plane going as Morgan goes about moving a tanker that is in the way then getting stranded away from the plane yet at the VERY last moment he is of course able to make his way to the moving plane JUST as it is almost taking off… After they are in the air, Morgan and Ashley take a nap while the infected person flies the plane. Can WE guess what happens when one of the two idiots wake up! Yes, we can! She’s a zombie… Worse. Morgan as ALWAYS thinks with his pants and not his head using their ONLY parachute to send the ZOMBIE off into safety. Yet, HOW does a zombie pull the rip cord? Who knows! It JUST does…

Ashley lands the plane… somehow… with no experience other than flight simulator video games. After which pretty much as soon as they get to the compound Morgan gets blindsided by a group of the running undead. Ashley scrambles and finds a recording that if any of them had been thinking they might have listened for beforehand… that lets him know there’s… no. one. left.

He runs, and we see zombie Morgan follow suit after him. Ashley falls down more than a woman in a slasher film. HOWEVER, somehow… someway… finally makes it to a beach where there are conveniently a rowboat and some oars. The undead Morgan shows up, and is promptly knocked down with an oar by Ashley. Really it’s no surprise that Ashley is the only one left since he was in many ways the smartest one when it came to the undead. Once he is on the water somehow the zombie Morgan gets on the boat yet Ash is able to put the shaft of his golf club through its forehead and rows off into the distance.

 

{Final Thoughts}

 

What are Zombie Master’s thoughts? This is an awesome indie zombie comedy! Though I will say it has its faults. First and foremost they should have decided on the zombie make-up, because some looks super professional while others look more like the makeup had been done in someone’s basement… by themselves… without a mirror…  The zombie clown pig priest thing being the worst example of this. They also should have decided what KIND of zombies they were going to have, talking, slow and shambling, running, alien, even new, or other could have worked. However, MAKE UP YOUR MIND. It was distracting that the zombies were ever changing. Even with the faults like the stupidity of the reason they go on the chase for the cure, it is a really fun awesome movie that I absolutely recommend.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Faaaade to Black!

 

{Outro}

 

Always think with your head, Never fly air zombie, Know when to cut your losses, and Remember HORROR Never Dies…

Find more episodes of Hell is Full: Horror Never Dies on iTunes and leave a review, or check it out at HellisFull.net

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